I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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