Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
i think im in europe. pls send help
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
