so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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