Your tits are I can't wait for
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
