remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
