i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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