I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
