it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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