like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
