I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
