Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
