last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
