I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
