he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
