If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
