there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
