if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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