Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
