you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You took a bar mat shot.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
