Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
