i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
