she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
