yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
