Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
