it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Randomize