i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
