a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
