She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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