best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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