he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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