Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
