Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
