I feel like I'm in dance class right now
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
