tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
