We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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