What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
