and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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