so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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