Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
