No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
