I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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