The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
