would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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