i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
