From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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