There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
