lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
