Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
