I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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