Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
