i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize