I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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