i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
