It's Friday. Sex?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
