You made me cry and you don't even care
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I accidentally burped into my bong.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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