he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
