I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
