where am i from again
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
