my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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