She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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