Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Randomize
