Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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