At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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