Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
ra ra ra ah ah
sexting lady gaga style
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car