I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?