RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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