I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
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He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.