just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He is an equal opportunity slut.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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