My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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