wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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