at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
