Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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