I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
