life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We left the knife in your bed.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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