Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.