i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...