You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
