the new term for farting is butt boxing.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
In other news, I just burned my penis
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run