A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
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somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
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This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.