seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
