My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
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Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
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There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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