Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Sext me about skeletons
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
