I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
