If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
