They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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