the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
