its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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